In this first-person account facilitated by Nishtha Kawrani and narrated to The Better India, Mumbai-based software engineer Bhanu Singh reflects on fatherhood, lost routines, health, and why showing up for his family began with showing up for himself. 

This story is about something I rarely see discussed honestly: what happens to a father's health, identity, and sense of self after years of putting everyone else first.

When people talk about becoming a parent, they often talk about how life changes. What they do not talk about as often is how quietly you can disappear inside those changes.

Not all at once but gradually. 

You stop prioritising your health because there is always something more urgent. You tell yourself you'll return to your routines next week, next month, when things settle down. You keep showing up for your child, your partner, your work, and your responsibilities. And somewhere in the middle of all that, you stop showing up for yourself.

That is what happened to me.

There is a particular kind of tiredness that fathers know.

It is not just physical, it is something deeper. You wake up exhausted, get through the day, come home, stay present enough, and do what needs to be done. Somewhere in the middle of all that, you stop asking yourself how you are doing.

I stopped asking myself that question for years after I became a father.

I am a software engineer based in Mumbai, and for the past 16 years, work has been a big part of my identity. I spent five years at Accenture, another five at Deloitte, and now work as a Lead Technology Consultant with CastleBay Consulting. By most measures, I was someone who had life under control. 

I was a top performer at work, disciplined with my time, and committed to my routines. For years, I woke up at 5:30 every morning, reached the gym before the city was awake, and still made it to my desk on time.

Then the lockdown arrived. Around the same time, I became a father. The life I had carefully built around discipline and routine suddenly had to make room for an entirely new reality.

‘I was present, but I was not really there’

I want to be honest about what the first two years of fatherhood looked like for me.

They were beautiful, and they were also exhausting in ways I had not prepared........

© The Better India