Toot toot! It’s great to be back on the Socceroos bandwagon

June 27, 2026 — 5:00am

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The Socceroos? Go you good things! And bloody bravo the lot of ’em.

Roy Masters has long quoted the rugby league aphorism that “a draw is like kissing your sister”, but in this case, we’ll take it!

The fact that the Socceroos have finished second in their group to qualify automatically for the round of 32 – by recording a nil-all draw against Paraguay, to go with their 2-0 FLOGGING of Turkey, and 2-0 NARROW LOSS to the USA – is really something.

For all you boogers trying to get on board the bandwagon at this late stage, such an outcome was totally unexpected even a few weeks ago, and seemed out of the question only months ago.

The Socceroos, they said! Won’t even qualify, they said! They’re stinking up the joint, they said. Well, NOW look at us.

They’re still standing.

Look, to my untutored eyes, it’s clear they are not the flashiest side going around. And I gather we’ll likely soon be coming up against players whose left foot is worth more than our whole side – at least on market value.

But, who cares? Our blokes are emblematic of the nation. From all the lands on earth they come, and put together beneath the Southern Cross, they can be counted on to take on whoever the next opponents are with the same grit they’ve shown so far.

Personally, I’d love to see them chance their arms, legs, a little more, too – and take a few wild chances .... but, whatever. Like millions across our brown and pleasant land, it’s just great to be back on the bandwagon.

Gaga over the Baa-Baas

It all started a few months ago when my friend and yours, Robbie Deans, asked me if I’d like to be his assistant coach for the British Barbarians as they take on Wales at Twickenham, in late June.

“Assistant Coach”, you say, Robbie? To the British Baa-Baas, for whom I was once invited to play in 1992, only to have to pull out – to my eternal regret – because of a TV thingummy? The declination of an invitation that has haunted me ever since, did I mention?

For my money, the British Baa-Baas are no less than an institution, one of the most prestigious sides to play for in the world.

Yes, Robbie, very interested!

On the first day’s training, at 9am sharp, I could have a forwards meeting, where I could tell them every single thing I knew about modern forward play, and at 9.01am we could get on the bus and go to training proper!

9.20: I can tell them all how profoundly boring I found Test scrummaging.

9.21: I’ll them, at length about the time I was sent off........

© The Age