Oh, no! England may actually win the World Cup

July 13, 2026 — 11:30am

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Weather Warning! Incoming! Forget the heatwave. The UK is about to be hit with a huge fog of smug. England has a considerable chance of winning the World Cup and the fevered anticipation of victory has temperatures rising.

If England win, the most annoying song in the world, Football’s Coming Home, will replace God Save the King as the national anthem. The victory parade won’t end before the next tournament. The UN may need to establish a no-boasting zone.

At least 1966 (England’s solitary World Cup success) will finally get a day off. But won’t they lord it over us? Future historians will refer to this time as the Great Gloating. Poms already have a superiority complex. The clue is in what they call themselves: not small, not medium, but Great Britain. Not only did they run the biggest empire in human history but what language does the whole world speak? Oh yes, English. No wonder I’ve........

© The Age