Mark Andrews takes a wry look at the week's news

I never thought I would say this, but I'm actually thinking of moving to Surrey. I always imagined it to be one of the most terminally dull places in the world, and full of southerners to boot. As Jeremy Clarkson once said, "If Kent is the garden of England, then Surrey is at best the patio."

But it is also totally crime free, a place where you can spend your time in total safety. So safe, indeed, that police officers for Surrey Constabulary have nothing more pressing to do than send plain-clothes officers out jogging during the rush hour, hoping to catch wolf-whistlers.

Defending the decision, Inspector Jon Vale said: “One of our officers was honked at within 10 minutes, then another vehicle slowed down, beeping and making gestures just 30 seconds later — that’s how frequent it is."

And I suppose if he........

© Shropshire Star