DEAR STEVE GORDON, DIRECTOR, CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES — I place my 10 little adept digits to keyboard this fine May morn, Steve, with good news and, alas, bad news. First, I want to congratulate your folks at the DMV. I went in last month to re-up my driver’s license and had more than a little trepidation. I don’t think I’ve taken a driver’s exam since one of the queries was:

No. 1,374: a Conestoga is —

A) A kind of covered wagon still used by white devil pioneers to enter California illegally.

B) A truly big fat cigar you shouldn’t smoke while operating a motor vehicle because it fogs up the windows and you might back over a homeless person sleeping in your driveway.

C) A toga that belongs to someone named Mr. Cones.

D) The kind of noise a Stanley Steamer horn makes; no; wait; our bad; we were thinking of, “a-oooga …”

Steve, what with all the DMV efficiency jokes I’ve heard since the first time I was behind the wheel of a large automobile at the tender age of 8, I was frankly surprised to witness, firsthand, how amazingly efficient your operation has become. I didn’t have an appointment but was able to re-up my license in less than a half-hour. And the Newhall DMV office had something like 48 million customers ahead of me. You had a most capable young lady acting as middle linebacker to keep the operation running smoothly by personally guiding applicants to the right forms and line. Delta Force doesn’t operate as smoothly. It was actually a pleasant experience and as I approach........

© Santa Clarita Valley Signal