One of the most powerful barriers to pushing back—at work, at home, or in relationships—is the quiet belief that asking for reasonable change reveals a personal flaw.

Women are often conditioned to believe it’s weak to admit we can’t do it all, needy to request emotional support, and lazy to refuse extra tasks. The “ideal” woman, wife, mother, and employee is one who needs nothing, wants nothing, and handles everything flawlessly. She’s perfectly selfless—and perfectly exhausted.

This mindset keeps us locked into patterns of perfectionism and overfunctioning. We scrutinize ourselves for every shortcoming while giving others a pass. We live in a culture that equates a woman’s aging with “letting herself go,” blames mothers for any difficulties their children experience, and fetishizes home organization and cleanliness—tasks that are still disproportionately considered women’s responsibility.

Instead of asking what we could delegate, drop, or refuse, we focus on how we’re failing to keep up. That’s not just a mental health issue—it’s a systemic one. And when women are too busy doing everything, there’s no room left to ask for what we need.

From ages 12 to 35, I was a voracious consumer of women’s magazines. I read them like they were sacred texts: how to dress, how to eat, how to organize my closet, how to “glow up,” how to be a better wife, mother, and friend.

After I married and had children, my goals multiplied. Beauty, thinness, health, self-discipline, personal growth, home organization, child-rearing, relationship success, a well-stocked kitchen. There’s value in some of this content—I still miss the early-aughts book reviews in ELLE. But many of the........

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