As this year comes to a close and a new year commences, many of us repeat a ritual that seems so very important to the effectiveness of our lives.

We step back, during this magical downtime as one year ends and the next begins, and ask ourselves what we want next year to look like. We set goals and make resolutions for ourselves. We make lists. We promise ourselves we’ll finally get it right this time.

And yet, in what also seems to be an annual ritual, by February, most of those goals are quietly abandoned. So, what’s the problem here?

The problem isn’t motivation.

And it isn’t discipline.

It’s that we often start from the wrong place, or should I say a place that is incomplete and out of order in the process.

Before goals, metrics, or action plans, there are deeper, a priori decisions that quietly determine whether our goals will serve us or slowly hollow us out. The most important decisions of 2026 aren’t what you’re trying to achieve. They’re about who you’re becoming, how you’re living, and what kind of life you’re designing into your future.

Let me explain through the story of a client—let’s call him Jonathan. He is a 55-year-old marketing executive at a mid-sized, US-based consumer product business. He is undoubtedly very bright and successful, having climbed the corporate ladder with hard work and dedication. He came to work with me to bring his life into greater balance and overall life satisfaction. As the end of the year approached, he asked me to help him set goals for 2026.

When Jonathan and I began working together, he came in ready. He had spreadsheets, projections, and clearly defined financial and professional targets for the year ahead. Like many high-performing people, he was eager to “optimize” his life.

But before we touched any of that, I asked him a different question: “Who are you becoming this year?”

At first, he paused, confused. He had come prepared to talk about results, not his

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