Our friendship needs change less than our lives do.

Women want friends who listen without judgment.

Understanding and acceptance outweigh advice and solutions.

As someone who’s spent much of my career studying friendship, I thought I had a fairly good idea what women needed from friendships. Still, I was curious to see what would emerge when women across the lifespan were asked this question. I reviewed hundreds of responses from women in their 20s through their 70s about what they needed most from the women and friends in their lives. Their answers offered a glimpse into what women value most in their friendships. This follows up an earlier post on what women need from their partners.

Across the responses, I kept seeing variations on the same theme. Whether women talked about support, trust, understanding, acceptance, loyalty, or being truly heard, they seemed to be describing different facets of the same need: emotionally safe friendships. I expected the answers to vary considerably by age. After all, women's lives often look quite different at 25, 45, and 75. Instead, what struck me was how similar the responses were. Across the lifespan, what we need from our friends may not change nearly as much as we think, even if the way we express those needs does.

These insights came from my online survey that grew out of a 2018 Psychology Today post exploring what women want from men in romantic relationships. Between 2018 and 2023, 108 women completed the survey, sharing their perspectives on the qualities they value most in a partner. Although the respondents do not represent a scientific sample of all women, their responses offer a revealing glimpse into the characteristics many associate with healthy, satisfying relationships.

We Never Outgrow the Need for Support

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