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When an estrangement happens, those who are left behind often feel confused.

Estrangement can feel like a "bolt out of the blue," even when it's been in the works for some time.

Most of us assume that our close relationships are resilient enough to survive even big challenges.

Estrangement can happen between parents and children, siblings, and friends.

When we think about estrangement, whether it’s between parents and adult children, siblings, or close friends, we might imagine that there was a single moment when everything changed: a terrible argument, a final conversation, or a threat never to reach out again that is carried through.

The Myth of the "Defining Moment"

But for many people, estrangement doesn’t unfold that way at all. Instead, estrangement tends to develop gradually in ways that can be too easy to miss at first and too difficult to fully understand even in hindsight.

In close relationships, we expect our connections to be relatively resilient. After all, virtually every family or long-standing friendship will face and muddle through disagreements at some point in time. Also, in close relationships, emotions can run high, misunderstandings do happen, and often, things find their way back to equilibrium. Because of this expectation, early signs that something significant is shifting can be explained away.

Small Signs Can Be Easy to Miss

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