“I don’t like feeling clung to or being pulled into spaces I don’t want to be in. I just don’t want that and never have.”

That’s what a former client told me after being pinned as emotionally unavailable by his partner.

As therapists, we get a front-row seat to the remarkable differences between people who share deep bonds but experience them through completely different lenses. One person feels swallowed whole by affection; the other feels starved without it.

Another client once said, “I feel like I’m at the beach being told I’m wrong for wanting to swim in the water. I enjoy connection—it’s how I breathe.”

Sound familiar?

Let’s clear something up: A 'clingy person' is not automatically a needy mess, and someone who values personal space isn’t necessarily cold or detached. One seeks closeness; the other values breathing room. Both can be perfectly healthy—until they start judging each other’s wiring.

Over 80 percent of my practice involves people seeking validation—proof that they’re not broken for wanting what they want.

After 25 years in the field, I’ve noticed that “clinginess” and........

© Psychology Today