Cutting ties with a parent isn't a decision anyone makes lightly. Yet when someone chooses this path to escape abusive or toxic family dynamics, they're often met with judgment and harsh criticism. Society tends to view these decisions as impulsive, selfish, or evidence that someone hasn’t tried hard enough. In reality, it’s far more complex—and when we examine estrangement through a trauma-informed lens, we see that it not only makes sense, but can also be instrumental in healing.

Most adult children who cut ties with their families don't arrive at this decision overnight. In my clinical experience working with hundreds of clients navigating family estrangement, the majority have spent years, sometimes decades, attempting to repair and improve these relationships. They've tried setting boundaries, having difficult conversations, asking for change, and giving "one more chance" countless times. They've endured holidays filled with tension, phone calls that leave them emotionally drained, and visits that require days of recovery.

Cutting ties with parents typically comes after a pattern of ongoing harm that started in childhood and continues in adulthood with no signs of changing (Agllias, 2016; Carr et al., 2015; Conti, 2015; Scharp et al., 2015). This might include emotional abuse, manipulation,

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