Early trauma can make mistrust feel safer than openness; with uncertainty something to defend against.

Such experiences can shape how we read other people and leave us doubting our own thoughts and feelings.

Building trust happens in relationships when underlying feelings can be explored, understood, and repaired.

A former patient of mine told me, with some anxiety, that they didn’t trust me. Rather than trying to provide reassurance or challenge their experience, I said, “Of course you don’t. How could you?”

I knew enough about them to get a sense that, while they were hoping that therapy would help, they also feared that I will be another person who would be hurtful or disappointing.

Many people come to therapy having a hard time trusting themselves or others. While it may not always be their initial concern, such challenges lie underneath a wide range of issues, from people wanting to be in relationships to being able to live the life they want. Trust issues can look very different from the outside: Some people might seem overly dependent on others, while others may have crafted an entire personality that denies any dependence or vulnerability.

Trust is not a switch, something we either experience or we don’t. It’s also not a simple dial, something that grows or declines in a linear way. Trust is complex and has many layers. Trust in others may include how we anticipate that others will respond to our needs, whether we believe they will tell us how they truly feel, or whether we feel they will keep our best interest in mind. Trust in ourselves may include believing that our thoughts and emotions are meaningful and valuable, believing that we will survive other people’s judgment or rejection, or believing in our capacity to make a difference in the world.

Trust does not develop in isolation. Trust, including trust in ourselves, is relational, a capacity that unfolds through our interactions with others. When early experiences are marked by trauma,........

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