To understand shame, think of it as a verb: The act of shaming.

When we believe interpersonal shaming, we feel shameful and we shame ourselves. The problem becomes all ours.

The antidote to feeling shameful and self-shaming is internal kindness, compassion, and curiosity.

IFS is an 'experience-near therapy,' which is to say, it follows subjective experience closely. As a result, IFS practitioners understand the mind as plural. It is a community of parts (as people say) of varying ages and roles. When something bad happens, some parts become protective and other parts (the vulnerable ones) get blamed and exiled.

But that’s not all. In addition to parts, the mind produces (or channels, depending on your perspective) a different kind of consciousness, which is characterized by cognitive clarity and centered emotional states like curiosity and compassion. IFS calls this (again, as people say) Self, with a capital S to signal a special use of the word: “This is my true Self.” When the Self is overshadowed by the strong feelings of parts, we lose balance. Shame is especially unbalancing.

Here is a description of shame as a long-term experience featuring distinct acts in relationship and in the theatre of the mind.

Act 1. A Bad Thing Happens

An authority figure (caretaker,........

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