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Breakups, especially those which are unwanted, generally unfold as particularly painful experiences. Often, they trigger a range of behaviors that reflect how we regulate loss, attachment, and identity.

In a recent study, researchers asked 118 adults (65 women, 53 men; average age 36) to describe how they would cope with the end of a romantic relationship they wanted to continue. From these responses, they identified 84 distinct behaviors, which were organized into 16 coping strategies, and further grouped into five broader patterns of coping.

The most common overarching approach involved shifting attention away from the relationship (e.g., focusing on oneself or staying busy), followed by seeking support and social withdrawal. Less commonly, participants reported coping through sex or substances. Gender and age differences also emerged: Women were more likely to seek support, while men were more likely to report casual sex or alcohol use. Interestingly, younger adults were more likely to turn to friends.

Following are the 16 specific strategies, along with what each may signal psychologically.

I would focus on myself

I would spend time with myself

I would focus on self-improvement

I would focus on my goals

I would do things I enjoy

I would focus on other areas of my life

This reflects identity reconstruction, a common phenomenon following breakups. After a breakup, people often shift from relational identity (“we”) back to individual identity (“I”).

2. Reconciliation Attempts

I would focus on finding ways to win him/her back

I would try to win him/her back

I would try to reach out to him/her

I would try to accept it

These behaviors are often driven by an attempt to restore proximity and perhaps negotiate a different........

© Psychology Today