What Is Perfectionism?

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Many of us think we have to be perfect to be worthy of love.

Perfectionism is apt to make us feel worse about ourselves, instead of better.

One simple practice can help us let go our need to be flawless.

When I was eight, I came to my mother with a proposal: “Mommy, I want to go live in New York.”

She looked at me quizzically.

“I have to go there,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “Cause I’m gonna…I’m gonna be a movie star!”

There. I’d said it: “A movie star.”

My mother, who was carrying crusted lunch dishes to the kitchen counter, smiled down at me. “Well, when you’re all grown up and still want to try that, of course you can.” Her tone was indulgent.

“No, Mommy.” I grabbed her arm and hung on. “I have to go now!”

My mother lowered her stack of plates onto the counter and turned to me, cocking her head. “So, you think all six of us should just pack up and move to New York City, huh?”

“No, you don’t have to!” I exclaimed. “I’ll go by myself!”

I remember the feeling in my body when I made that pitch to my mother. A kind of brimming sensation. I pictured myself strolling down the streets of Manhattan on my way to singing and acting classes, shimmering with so much talent and overall awesomeness that some big movie-making person would notice me, do a double-take, and say, “She’s the one.” Me, plucked out of a crowd! To star in a movie! The thought made my chest go all quivery.

Exactly where I’d live in New York City I was less sure of. Vaguely, I pictured being taken in by a kind, movie-friendly family, or maybe living in some sort of group home for child actors. And my own family? Well, our little........

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