One-sided contact, exhaustion, or constant excuse-making can signal an imbalanced friendship.

Perceived partner responsiveness makes friendships mutually rewarding, boosting trust and well-being.

Reciprocity matters: One-sided sharing or dismissive responses erode friendship quality over time.

Pulling back briefly or naming the imbalance directly can clarify a friendship's true state.

Think back over the important friendships you’ve had, and lost, over the years. It’s probably easy to remember the ones that ended after a betrayal or a falling-out; similarly, you might recall the ones that just drifted away as your circumstances changed.

But what about friendships that just don’t feel the same anymore? Those that were once rewarding, but now feel like a drain on your energy, or a loss of the person you once liked?

In these relationships, there may have been no dramatic shift, but instead, just a gradual devolution of the time you spend together. Maybe you find yourself doing all the calling, all the scheduling, all the showing-up. Maybe your text threads are mostly made up of stuff you’ve sent to them, without many replies.

Psychological research has identified what you're feeling; some psychologists call it an asymmetrical relationship, while others talk about unequal emotional labor, or the over-functioning/under-functioning dynamic. The work you put into a friendship is called maintenance, and in these cases, there’s a serious imbalance.

As you’d imagine, friendships thrive when both parties feel understood and validated, as though their friend is trying to keep them happy and well—a phenomenon known as perceived partner responsiveness (Reis et al., 2004)—which functions the same way with romantic partners, family relationships, and other social bonds. A subsequent study by Reis (2012) linked partner responsiveness to greater relationship satisfaction, greater levels of trust, better ability to recover from conflicts, higher psychological well-being, and even better physical health in both parties.

Friendship, the research says, is good for you—especially when both friends put in enough effort. Naturally, not all healthy friendships must show a perfect 50/50 division of investment; Research by Blieszner and Adams (1992) suggests that friendships can move through phases—that closeness fluctuates over time. This means periods of imbalance can be normal, in any relationship. But if you’re starting to wonder if your friend isn’t offering you enough to sustain the relationship between you, here are five signs to look for.

1. I always text........

© Psychology Today