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Loving a child and grieving life before motherhood can coexist without making someone a bad parent.

Recovery can involve tolerating uncertainty rather than waiting to feel completely sure of oneself.

Everyday acts of care are part of mothering, even when feelings of connection fluctuate.

During treatment for postpartum depression, a therapist asked me a question I later wrote in my journal: Can you live in the in-between for now?

At the time, my answer was no. I wanted certainty. I wanted someone to tell me my daughter would sleep. That I would sleep. That I loved her enough. That I was a good mother. That I would recover. That I would become myself again.

Instead, I had Lily—a real baby who changed every day. And I had a mind that sometimes changed by the hour.

One morning I could believe my daughter deserved another mother. Later that same day, we'd take a walk. She'd be bundled beneath a blanket, full and peaceful, and I'd write: I loved being her mother this afternoon.

Not forever. Not perfectly. That afternoon.

Recovery began when that became enough.

One afternoon, Lily started rolling from her back onto her stomach. She was still tiny. Once she realized she was face-down, she panicked. She........

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