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Couples can unknowingly develop a "fantasy bond" — an illusion of merger that replaces love and individuality.

Maintaining your sense of self within marriage isn't selfish; it protects the relationship.

Resisting the urge to compare your relationship to idealized images helps you appreciate each other.

Staying curious about your partner as a distinct individual keeps the spark of real connection alive.

Last month I went to my nephew’s wedding. At dinner there was a card at each place setting for the guests to fill out. At the top was the heading: Advice and Wishes for the New Mr. & Mrs. With this simple prompt, I was flooded with thoughts and emotions. I reflected on what I have learned over the years from my own marriage. I was emotional thinking of the life that my nephew and his bride were beginning together. And I couldn’t help but think of all that I have learned about relationships during the years that I have been a practicing psychologist.

Marriage and intimate relationships can be challenging because they require finding a balance between having a close relationship with another person, feeling attachment and connection, and still maintaining one’s individuality. When people first fall in love, they tend to feel attracted to one another and supportive of their partner’s separate interests. They also appreciate the ways their partner supports them in theirs. Both members of the couple thrive in such a........

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