Friendship is essential for well-being, yet many neurodivergent women find the social terrain of connection difficult to navigate. Whether sensory sensitivities, social exhaustion, difficulty reading unspoken cues, or past experiences with rejection, traditional friendship norms may not always feel natural or fulfilling.

Kendra Koch, CEO of Divergently—a social safety net and mental health platform connecting late-diagnosed neurodivergent women to critical resources—underscores an important fact: “Neurodivergence is not a singular experience.” She explains that some women thrive on structured social interactions, while others prefer deeper infrequent conversations. Autistic women may struggle with unspoken social norms, while women with ADHD are challenged by consistent social engagement. If confounded with anxiety, OCD, or PTSD, women also experience sensitivities to social rejection.

How do neurodivergent women build and maintain friendships in ways that feel authentic? Here, I adapt the framework of 8 Tenets of Dynamic Friendship from my book, Friends Matter, For Life, offering science-backed insights, real-life examples,1 and actionable strategies.

1. Recognizing: Understanding Your Friendship Needs and Boundaries

Science Insight: Many neurodivergent women engage in "masking" to fit social norms, leading to social exhaustion and burnout (Hull et al., 2020). Identifying one’s natural friendship style helps prevent burnout and enhances satisfaction in social relationships.

“The most terrifying part of being a friend unmasked has been asking for help. Creating connection and trust requires vulnerability, which was possible once I unmasked and let go of the fear of not being enough. Saying, 'Hey I need help making cookies for my kid’s party' wasn’t proof I failed, but a chance to strengthen a friendship.” —Isabeau Korylak, @NeuroFriendlyBeau

Strategy: Reflect on what feels fulfilling in a friendship—deep conversations........

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