Take our Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Test

Find a therapist to heal from trauma.

Childhood experiences of abuse and neglect can shape our expectations about love and connection in adulthood.

This is why many survivors are drawn to familiar relationship dynamics, even when those patterns are harmful.

Recognizing how our early experiences influence us today is an important step in breaking the cycle.

“I didn’t know what I was doing was toxic,” Alex told me. “I just thought that’s how people fight.” Alex, often called a “serial dater” by friends, goes from one serious relationship to another. “As soon as one ends, I have to be with someone new. Being alone terrifies me,” they say. This constant seeking of validation stems from a deep fear of abandonment.

When their partners start to move towards ending the relationship, Alex becomes frantic with panic at being alone. “I lash out,” they admit, struggling to put into words behavior that they know is unhealthy. “I act in desperate ways and say mean things. I always feel so bad afterwards, but at the moment I can’t help it—the words leave my mouth before I know what is happening!”

We often repeat what we learn

When your earliest experiences of love and connection were tied to maltreatment, it can distort your internal compass. This is why many........

© Psychology Today