In many circles, “Do you have kids?” is a go-to icebreaker. As a non-parent, when I heard the question in the past, I was stymied. The pregnant pause that followed was uncomfortable for everyone. Today, I have lots of strategies in my conversational toolbox.

Early on, I realized I had a chance to ease the discomfort for us all by preparing for these inevitable questions and coming up with options to respond. I knew I’d be hearing some form of the inquiry for the rest of my life.

A wily trial lawyer I once worked for delighted in asking outrageous personal questions, and people almost always answered him. “Never forget,” he told me, “a question asked is not necessarily a question you have to answer.”

That got me thinking. When I was feeling tender, defensive, or vulnerable, I wasn’t ready to explain my situation. Then I decided I had every right to skirt the subject, because my reproductive status was no one’s business but my own.

People who knew me, of course, never asked if I had kids. Instead, they’d inquire either directly or furtively about details of my status, intentions, and conclusions about children. When that happened, I recognized I had a choice: I could either evade the topic or engage with the person asking. Neither felt natural to me in the beginning.

By way of background, in my 30s, my ex and I tried for kids for about seven years. Then we gave up and........

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