There are both joys and challenges of being a non-parent.

Reflecting on regrets and lessons learned can offer insights.

When you don’t have kids, you get to design your life with a script that flexes over the years. Only in hindsight can I see how my younger self might have benefited had I given attention to several things earlier in life.

1. Befriend older childfree and childless women.

I’d always enjoyed close relationships with those older than me—teachers, work mentors, and women I met at various workshops and retreats. Building trust with these women was like having the big sisters I didn’t get growing up, and I loved their advice and support.

In my 20s and well into my 30s, I wasn’t sure motherhood was for me. My younger sisters started having kids. Friends, too. Pressure to follow their lead grew as I focused on building my career. Only when a dear friend decided to have kids did I pause to reflect on my own intentions.

After some reflection and discussion with my then-husband, we decided to go for it. I distinctly remember wondering aloud about what else we were going to do with the rest of our lives. A future without kids was nearly impossible to envision at the time.

I didn’t realize until years later how much my decision-making was influenced by friends’ choices and the value our culture places on having kids. Always a striver, steeped in career ambition, I got focused on having kids fast. Nothing happened.

Around me, most of my friends were having kids. I felt like a colossal failure on the........

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