It is not unusual for me to hear from parents whose now-estranged adult child once expressed deep gratitude for their upbringing and for the role their parent played in their life.

Often, these affirmations were written or spoken not long before the estrangement occurred.

Then, sometimes abruptly, communication stops—or resumes in ways that feel hostile, rejecting, or sharply critical. Parents are left bewildered by what appears to be a sudden and dramatic shift in how they are perceived.

Parents are frequently told that estrangement is primarily about “setting boundaries” or holding them accountable for harmful behavior. While boundaries can be important, they rarely require a wholesale reinterpretation of one’s childhood.

What many parents experience instead is something far more sweeping:

This does not mean the adult child is lying.
But it does mean their story has changed—sometimes dramatically.

And stories shape identity.

Therapy can be lifesaving. It can also, unintentionally, shape how people come to understand their most important relationships.

This concern is supported by research. A study published in Family Process by William J. Doherty and Steven M. Harris examined how often clients in individual therapy recalled therapists making what the authors termed........

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