Many people get stuck and can’t move on from the “big one.” They keep playing it back, over and over.

They can’t show up as their true self, or be present in new relationships. They fall into the trap of comparison because they can’t forget what they felt. and they compare what they’re feeling now—or not feeling—to what they felt then.

If this sounds familiar, remember that those feelings came from a different, younger version of you, one that needed to prove you were lovable, wanted, and of value. You’re not considering who you were then and what you didn’t know.

Do you still play back “the “big one”? Do you find yourself comparing young love to new love and wondering why it doesn’t feel as powerful? Is it difficult to stay present in a current relationship or with someone you’re dating?

If your first “big one” breakup keeps haunting you, the following four journaling prompts may help you revisit and process what happened so you can move through it.

Remember, journaling is a personal and introspective practice, so write freely, without judgment. There is no perfect length. Your entries can be as long or as short as you would like. Just make sure they’re honest. Don’t rush. Give yourself time to really sit down and write like no one’s ever going to read it. This is for you. Not for anyone else.

As you journal, you will have revelations and insights. That will begin to clear your lenses. The goal is to separate fantasy (what you felt) from reality (what is truth today).

Write about the positive aspects of the relationship, the lessons you learned, and the growth you experienced. Explore any underlying patterns or dynamics that might have been happening underneath.

What was the tug that was fueling the attraction and that you may not have been aware of? Is it tied to any false beliefs about yourself (for example, “I’m not lovable.”) and your story? Don’t judge feelings or thoughts as they arise. Just write them down.

Allow........

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