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How to Deal With Pushback Against Your Boundaries During the Holidays

11 0
09.12.2025

Part 1 of this series covered why setting boundaries triggers such intense guilt, those cultural messages about "family comes first" run deep. Part 2 covered the six-step process for setting boundaries, from getting clear on your needs to communicating them early and specifically.

But setting the boundary is just the beginning. What happens when your mom says, "But we always do it this way!" or your in-laws stop inviting you? You need strategies for the pushback, the guilt that comes after, and the repair work that sometimes follows.

When They Push Back on Your Boundaries

"But we always do it this way!"

What they're really expressing is their need for consistency. You're not responsible for maintaining every tradition, especially ones that don't work for you anymore.

You can acknowledge their need while holding your boundary: "I hear that this tradition matters to you. We're choosing to do it differently this year, and I hope we can find other ways to connect."

"You're keeping the kids from their grandparents!"

This one stings because it touches the fear that you're somehow harming your children. But you're not keeping anyone from anyone. You're making choices about

© Psychology Today