Parenting doesn’t end when your children reach adulthood, and neither does their ability to challenge you emotionally. One of the most demanding situations many parents face is being the target of their adult child’s blame game. It might sound like, “If you hadn’t been so strict, I wouldn’t struggle with anxiety,” or “You never supported me, and that’s why I can’t succeed.” These statements can sting deeply, leaving you feeling defensive, hurt, or guilty.

Yet how you respond in these moments is crucial—not only for your emotional well-being but for the potential growth of your relationship. It is important to stay calm, firm, and noncontrolling in the face of emotional triggers.

This principle is equally vital when dealing with adult children. As a coach for parents of adult children, I can tell you that reacting out of defensiveness or engaging in power struggles will only escalate the situation. Instead, focus on strategies that foster understanding, set boundaries, and help you move forward.

When accusations fly, the temptation to defend yourself can be overwhelming. For example, when 28-year-old Trevor told his mom, “You always focused on my sister more than me—that’s why I have self-esteem issues,” his mom, Darlene,........

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