C.A.R.E. is an acronym for the mindset necessary to improve your ability to solve problems during a conflict. It can be a conflict with anyone. Of course, most of my clients are co-parents, but C.A.R.E. works with best friends, crotchety bosses, contrary children, as well as an ex with whom you no longer feel you have anything in common. When you are having a disagreement, think C.A.R.E.:

I have worked with thousands of co-parents over the years. Everyone tells me the reason they are there is, “We need to improve our communication. We can’t talk to each other.”

Say that in court, and the order becomes “communicate only in writing.” This is done to verify who is the instigator of the disagreements. “Texting okay” is often added to the court order in an effort to allow some sort of parental communication, albeit limited.

Texting is convenient, but it is not a communication tool. It’s a notification tool. It’s something you use to tell your co-parent you will be 15 minutes late to the exchange. Texting has become the path of least resistance for estranged parents. Don’t want to talk to your ex? Text them.

Texting is simply not a productive way to raise your children together.

Ironically, "communicate only through text" has become the path of least resistance for the courts, as well. The courts don’t want to play referee for estranged parents; therefore, parents are ordered to use a co-parenting app so their insults can be monitored. If you must record your poor choices via an app as proof of your inability to communicate with your co-parent, you will benefit from reading my book.

The following modes of communication are based on talking and listening to your co-parent, not texting.

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