Growing up intellectually gifted in a household in which no one shares your cognitive intensity creates a kind of loneliness that cannot easily be named. It is more than being smart. You are just being who you naturally are, but, inevitably, you are out of sync with the world around you.

One of the sad realities of being neurodivergent and out of sync with others in the family is that you inevitably feel oppressed or humiliated. This feeling persists even when no one actively tries to shut you down or humiliate you, even though they may inadvertently do so. The sense of humiliation often arises in the small, daily moments when your enthusiasm is met with blank stares, your questions are waved away, and your excitement and passion are treated as showing off. It happens when you are told to "Stop thinking so much" or "Stop asking so many questions." The message lands the same way whether delivered with frustration or loving concern: You are too much.

Even parents who loved you deeply could become unwitting oppressors. They wanted to protect you from disappointment, so they cautioned you against ambitions they feared were too grand. They wanted you to fit in, so they encouraged you to hide your light. They wanted you to be happy, but their definition of happiness required you to be someone you were not. Their good intentions often made things worse because you could not even be angry without feeling guilty.

Parents often fail to recognize giftedness when it does not mirror their own experience. They may mistake your intensity for dysfunction, your depth for overthinking, and your complexity for arrogance. When they tell you to "calm down" or to "not think so much," or when they redirect your focus from abstract ideas to practical things, they think they are preparing you........

© Psychology Today