If you’re the parent of a Gen Z child, you’ve probably heard it: “You don’t get it.” Or maybe you’ve been met with avoidance, eye rolls, or a look of contempt. Many parents I work with feel frustrated and shut out, longing to connect but unsure how to get through a prickly wall. The more they push, cajole, guilt, and criticize, the more disconnection results. Here’s the hard truth: Often the best way to build that bridge is to talk less—and listen more.

In my decades as a mother, psychotherapist, and friend, I’ve seen how parents’ own feelings—sadness, disappointment, anxiety, shame, guilt, or anger—get in the way of hearing their kids. When your Gen Z child expresses an opinion you don’t like or accuses you of wrongdoing, it's hard! And, whether we realize it or not, our emotions ignite—without conscious control. You may feel extremely defensive, like you have to prove your perspective is right and theirs is misguided. But if we pause, breathe, and listen with genuine curiosity, something........

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