Everyone has insecurities. That's part of being human.

But how you handle those insecurities will shape your happiness and success. Research suggests that chronic approval-seeking comes at a steep cost. It tends to undermine your ability to learn from life experiences and reduces your sense of relatedness to others, all while diminishing your mental and physical health (Crocker & Park, 2004).

The reason is straightforward: People who manage their insecurities poorly spend enormous energy trying to prove themselves to others—energy that could be invested in building what truly matters to them.

Consider this analogy. You install expensive tennis courts in your backyard to impress the neighbors (you know, Biffy, and Bunny, who endlessly brag about their country club membership, exotic vacations, and the other homes they own).

The tennis courts turn out great. They look terrific. But you don’t play tennis, and what you really wanted was a secluded landscape that evoked the feeling of being in the Great North Woods.

What happened? You ultimately sacrificed your genuine desires in exchange for others' approval.

There is one other lesson to glean from this analogy. It was an interpersonal insecurity that led to trying to impress, at the cost of feeling fulfilled.

That's not surprising because nearly all insecurities are interpersonal in nature (Leary & MacDonald, 2003). They're rooted in how you imagine others perceive and judge you. This, in turn, impacts your sense of being valued, desired, and belonging (an insight from Sociometer Theory).

These are basic human desires. Fulfilling them, however, requires adopting a........

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