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Eamon Dolan writes about family estrangement, redefining family, and ending cycles of abuse.

Dolan challenges the idea that estrangement stems from selfishness or impulsivity.

Estrangement is often the last resort after years of trying to make the relationship work.

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Eamon Dolan to discuss his book, The Power of Parting, and to explore how he is redefining estrangement and breaking cycles of abuse.

We first reflected on the scenario in which someone who is no longer in contact with their relatives is asked about them. They may hesitate, shrug, or begin to stutter, unsure how to respond. The other person may assume death and offer condolences, unintentionally steering the conversation further down an awkward path. The disclosure of having cut ties with one’s family is often met with silence, the kind that comes after a glass shattering. Forks pause mid-air. Conversations stall. Heads turn, and eyes widen. For a split second, the entire room recalibrates around what was just said.

We are culturally fluent in reconciliation arcs. We love the swelling soundtrack, the hospital bedside apology, the tearful wedding toast. We are uncomfortable with the less cinematic version of the story: the adult child who decides to end the cycle of abuse and chooses separation from their relatives.

In The Power of Parting, Dolan pushes against the persistent cultural myth that adults who step back from family are self-centered, dramatic, or unstable.

“There’s this idea that the people who estrange are selfish or impulsive or chaotic when really it’s exactly the opposite. We're stepping away from people who are selfish, impulsive, or chaotic. We’re trying to get away from toxic dynamics,” Dolan says.

As a trauma therapist, I witness clients attempting repair at all costs, explaining, forgiving, minimizing, people-pleasing, and tolerating. They endure holidays, phone calls, off-kilter comments, drunken rants, and weepy........

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