Friendkeepers step up to sustain adult friendships, much like kinkeepers in families.

The friendkeeper role involves organizing, sharing news, and mobilizing support within groups.

Building friendship networks before crises makes future support and coordination more effective.

No matter what life stage you are in, it is worth considering the well-being of your friendships. In my own case, I have lived in eight different U.S. states and moved across country several times, including as I retired. Most people regard friends as part of our convoy of life, much like long-haul truckers or ships that travel together. Some members of our life convoy are there for the length of our lifespan, others join in periodically, and others may exit.

Each of us makes choices about maintaining friendships and support boundaries (Johnson, 2025). My observation is that some people seem to find it easier to let friendships lapse, especially when we change jobs, move, graduate, find a new church or sports team, join new families, or see friends move on. Others find a way to sustain friendships beyond those times when we have regular contact. It certainly has become easier to maintain and renew friendships via digital and social media. However, most people will have times they need additional support or to hook into a local friendship community.

I have thought about and studied the role of people who are called family kinkeepers (Braithwaite et al., 2017; Rosenthal, 1985). These are people who “help enable and assist family communication. Kinkeepers plan family gatherings or help the family keep in touch with one another by providing updates on issues such as graduations, birth of a baby, or publicizing support needs if a family member becomes unemployed or is having surgery” (Braithwaite, 2022). My research teams have studied how people who play this kinkeeper role communicate and what they do and say to help families stay connected.

The Friendkeeper Role

The relationship “keeper” role is not just relevant to families. Gallagher and Gerstel (1993) pointed to what they called “friendkeeping,” which refers to a role dedicated to building and........

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