It has been said that vengeance is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Every choice for payback is also a choice to coarsen our hearts. Since our hearts are inside us, they stay hardened not only toward others but toward ourselves. Retaliation is a form of suffering for both perpetrator and victim. An offender does something that leads to suffering in the victim. Then the victim reciprocates, and so the cycle of pain continues. Suffering becomes the cause and result of retaliation.

Retaliation is turning on others. Self-retaliation is turning on ourselves, self-sabotage. Let’s look at a prime source of self-retaliation: believing in and obeying the decrees of the inner critic. This is the scolding voice resident within us that may resemble put-downs or criticisms from childhood. This is the inner bully who pummels us, especially when we are most vulnerable. When we take that critical voice seriously, we become tyrants over ourselves. We then engage in self-harm or........

© Psychology Today