We all know—or had—an older or oldest sister, or we are one, or we have a child who is one, and we know what that looks like: bossy, rule-bound, impatient, controlling, perfectionistic, stubborn, a general know-it-all who needs to be right.

These people can be annoying, even infuriating.

And to be one can be painful.

The oldest sister who tries to control her younger siblings, and then later in life, tries to control others, can be difficult to be around. No one really wants to be bossed, to be told they're wrong, or to be treated poorly by someone with a superior attitude.

At the same time, inside, the oldest sister can feel a great deal of pressure. She may feel she has to be "good," or that she has to go by the rules and be helpful—and she may feel these are her only ways to get approval. On the other hand, she may have real leadership ability, a strong drive for success, a heightened sense of justice and fairness, and she may be responsible and

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