When two people commit to monogamy, they are not only choosing each other emotionally and practically. They are also, often without saying it aloud, entering into an implicit agreement about sexual availability and frequency—not exact numbers, not a schedule, but an assumption that erotic connection will be part of the bond in a reasonably reliable way. This assumption is rarely discussed, yet it carries enormous weight.

Most couples do not negotiate desire. They inherit expectations from culture, from past relationships, or from fantasies about how love is supposed to work.........

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