For many people, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is synonymous with sobriety from substances. The 12-step model has helped millions around the world, and I have deep respect for the freedom it has given so many—including friends, clients, and people I love. But 12-steps isn’t the only way.

And it wasn’t my way.

I didn’t get sober through AA. My path looked different, and for years I hesitated to talk about it because I never wanted to diminish the value of the 12-step approach for those who rely on it.

But as a therapist, I’ve learned that recovery has to meet people where they are. When someone feels forced into a single path, they often pull away from the very help they’re seeking.

I may challenge them or invite another perspective, but I want to honor their autonomy, timing, and what works for them.

Whether it’s through the 12-steps or something else, healing from the guilt and shame many of us carry is an essential part of any path to sobriety.

Many people reach out to me with questions about sobriety: How did you do it? Where do I start? What if I don’t connect with the “God part” in AA? Am I allowed to try something else?

I understand those questions. Not everyone feels connected to God or to anything spiritual. But in my experience—both personally and professionally—healing our relationship with God, in whatever way we define it, is foundational for a meaningful and sober life.

At the same time, I also believe people need to find their own way. What matters is that the path helps us become more whole, more honest with ourselves, and more connected to something........

© Psychology Today