Friendship feels easier when shared interests do the heavy lifting.

Likeminded spaces can reduce the pressure to mask.

High-interest activities create natural conversation starters.

Finding your people starts with doing what already lights you up.

Many of the adults I work with approach friendship like a test they are trying hard not to fail. Whether they are meeting new people or hanging out with a long-lost friend, establishing a connection takes a lot of work. So, they rehearse what to say, worry in the moment about being too much, analyze every interaction, and then leave feeling exhausted. These actions come from a well-intentioned place, but all of this “work” doesn’t leave them with a strong motivation to “do that again.” Instead, it feels like the morning after studying all night or waking up after a long night out at the pub. That hangover is a strong deterrent from trying again.

But here’s the thing, friendship doesn’t require this level of set up to get it right. The “work” that so often goes into preparing, executing and reacting in the “perfect” way is unnecessary in settings or with people who are truly a good fit for your life.

After exploring many different angles around what it takes to help adults make friends, I know one thing for sure: To find your people, you need both a set of friendship skills and the right fit. The good news is that both are achievable and accessible for almost everyone.

Before we tackle the how, let’s set the stage. Your mindset matters. Finding new friends is not a project with a beginning and an end. It’s not a........

© Psychology Today