What Changes During Adolescence?

Find a therapist to support kids and teens

We might ask our teen a simple question: “How was your day?”

We get back a sigh, an eye roll, a deeply annoyed “fine.”

It feels disrespectful. It’s hard not to react.

“Don’t you talk to me like that.”

But despite all our efforts to shut it down, that attitude often doesn’t improve. If anything, it gets worse.

The problem is that what feels like defiance is often something quite different.

What’s Happening Beneath the Eye Roll?

Adolescence is a period of intense emotional and neurological change. The emotional center of the brain is highly active during the teen years, while the part responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation is still developing. Which means, when teens react quickly or intensely, it’s not because they’re choosing to be difficult. It’s because they’re still learning how to manage what they feel.

At the same time, they are wired to seek more independence. They want to form their own opinions, make their own decisions, and feel like they have some say in what happens to them. This isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a critical part of becoming an adult.

But it also makes teens more sensitive to anything that feels like control. And a lot of what we do as parents can feel like control to a teen.

A simple question can feel loaded.

A reminder can feel like a demand.

A check-in can feel like criticism.

When that sensitivity meets high emotions and limited regulation, it often comes out in a tone, sarcasm, irritation, or........

© Psychology Today