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Let the tears come and they will pass.

Be compassionate to yourself and to others at times of grief.

Grief is something every human will experience at some point in their life. It may emerge after losing a parent, sibling, friend, child, or pet. Grief can also come from things that feel harder to acknowledge. It might be the disappointment of yet another negative pregnancy test while you’re trying for a baby. It might be a breakup of a relationship that you’d hoped would lead to something more long-term. It might be the loss of a job or another significant life change. Sometimes the grief we struggle with is for the loss of an imagined future, even when not much has happened in the present yet.

When my mother died, I remember being able to observe the sadness, tears, fatigue and all the other emotional and physiological symptoms come and go. My job was to ride the waves.

For the first few days, I was, understandably, a wreck. I cried at random times and struggled to focus on what I needed to do. Which is particularly hard because there are so many jobs that need to be done and decisions that need to be made when someone dies.

After a few days, though, I noticed a shift. My tears felt less random. They would show up whenever I thought about Mum but less often at other times. I noticed that my focus and concentration slowly began to return, although I didn’t feel as sharp or energized as usual for months. Many people say it takes a year or more for their brain to fully feel like itself again.

I still miss my mum. But the grief no longer feels raw or overwhelming.

In some ways, grief was easier for me than it can be for others. I had a close relationship with my mother, and although I didn’t want her to die, I could see how much pain she was in. Grief can be infinitely more complicated when the relationship with the person who died is difficult or confusing, or if there were things left unsaid. It is also harder when the death, breakup or disappointment is sudden or happens far too soon.

The good news is that humans have been grieving for thousands of years, and so we know how to do it.

Every culture has grieving rituals. Every human nervous system has ways of allowing emotions to rise, be felt, and eventually settle again

But in 2026, many of us have lost the rituals that once helped guide us through grief. At the same time, there can be pressure to be “over it” quickly; we can feel like we are expected to return to being a fully functional adult before our brains and bodies are ready. When that happens, people often feel confused about why they are still struggling months later.

Shame can also creep in, judging ourselves for still feeling grief. This is especially common after a short relationship, a missed opportunity, or another loss where the grief is about an imagined future that is no longer a possibility.

When I work with people who are grieving, these are some of the things I recommend:

Let yourself cry. Your mind may worry that if you start crying you will never stop, but crying is actually a useful and natural way for the body to process grief. No one cries forever; your body will let you know when it has had enough. Try to find a safe time and place where you can let the tears come.

Allow all the emotions that show up. Grief rarely arrives as sadness alone. You might feel anger, confusion, worry, disappointment, guilt, or shame. These emotions are signals about what matters to you. They will find ways to show up whether you allow them in or try to push them away. When we make space for them, they tend to move through us more easily.

Remember that grief is active. Mourning often involves doing something intentional to acknowledge the loss. This might involve religious, cultural, or family rituals, or it might be something more personal. Some people light candles, write letters, throw stones into the sea, sit in a place that was meaningful to the person they lost, wear something that belonged to them, or talk openly with others about their grief.

Keep the connection in your mind. Continuing bonds with people we’ve lost can be an important part of healing. Look at photos. Wear a piece of their jewellery. Ask yourself what advice they might give you in a difficult moment.

If you’re grieving a breakup or a missed opportunity, reach for the clichés. Sometimes a tub of ice cream and a bad movie really are part of the process. Comfort food, cosy clothes, and gentle distractions can help your body feel safe while you move through the sadness. This phase won’t last forever, but it’s helpful to give yourself permission to be sad for a while.

Be gentle with other grieving people. Navigating family dynamics while everyone is grieving can be challenging. If possible, try not to make things harder for each other. Sometimes it helps to ask yourself: Does that conversation really need to happen right now?

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Grief is painful, but it is also a sign of love, hope, and attachment. It reminds us of the people and things that matter deeply to us.

If you are grieving today, I’m sending you a big hug.

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