In my early life, twinship was usually seen as a very close relationship—and stressful for the family because of the extra work and energy required. Issues related to emotional and cognitive development were not seen as unusual or in need of special attention. The exception was the concern about “twin language.” How twins affected other siblings in their family was not considered deeply, if at all.

The closeness of twinship is a difficult identity problem that needs to be understood and addressed in a systematic way. The core issue is the separation anxiety that twins have when they are not with their twin. An example is young twins who are separated when they fight over a new toy that one of them received. For as long as they are apart, the twins will cry. The caregiver is at their wit’s end until the fight can be resolved and the twins can be reunited.

As my twin sister and I became older, twin development was studied at greater length, which fortunately uncovered the most effective way to raise twins and why. Individual development was stressed. Authentic relationships between family members and each twin that were personal and not concerned with “how the twins were alike” were essential.

Twins got a lot of attention for their look-alikeness, which was damaging if overdone. Our older brother had a sign in our double stroller that said, “Yes, they are twins,” because he was always asked this question. Parents today are more direct with the curiosity of onlookers, which they probably try to avoid.

Interest in twin development........

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