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Slower goodbyes help us feel what moments mean to us.

Move the goodbye up; don’t wait for the rushed last seconds.

Specific love lands best: “I love you because…” is better than a generic "love you"

Don’t assume people know they matter, tell them while there’s time.

My New Year’s resolution this year is to slow down with endings. To be more intentional about the last moments of coffee catch-ups, birthday parties, family visits, or even work Zooms. To go beyond bye and make space for appreciation and love.

It’s been harder than I anticipated. The reflexes of “nice to meet you,” “good catching up,” and “love you” are so ingrained that even when I feel more, sometimes much more, I settle for a wave.

People don’t always know how much they matter to us or to the world. This Valentine’s Day, let’s change that, and not with a stuffed teddy bear.

The Potential of Goodbyes

My resolution has helped me remember the true power of goodbyes. We say goodbye constantly to strangers and loved ones alike. Precisely because they happen so often, they’re powerful opportunities to step out of the logistics and content of moments and notice their deeper significance.

And, with that awareness, goodbyes give us the chance to tell the other person, with our words, how much they mean to us.

The Valentine’s Day script suggests that we can communicate “I love you” with prix-fixe dinners, dark chocolate, and balloons. But what if we saw it as an invitation to use our goodbyes so others can truly feel that love instead?

Here are two ways you might try:

1. Move the goodbye up

We don’t rush goodbyes because we’re unkind. We do it because life moves fast. The Uber is waiting, the Metro doors are closing, someone’s holding the elevator, or the next meeting is starting.

So instead of trying to squeeze heartfelt meaning into the last five seconds, move the goodbye earlier. Name what your time together means while you’re still in it.

Before you ask for the check or call the Uber, share what you appreciate about them, how they nourish you, or, perhaps, ask for their number. It might feel awkward or cheesy to not wait until the very last moment. Do it anyway.

2. “I love you because…”

My friend Chiara taught me this amazing practice. Rather than tossing a “love you” on the way out the door to work, in the airport departures lane, or at the end of a phone date, share a slower, specific version. It’s where you say “because your curiosity inspires me” or “because you make me feel safe.”

In the U.S., more than 130 people die by suicide each day.1 I love you because isn’t about love being conditional; it’s about the power of it being specific. Doing so reminds us of the goodness we all carry that is so very easy to forget.

Not ready to tell that boss, friend, or stranger, "I love you"? No fear: “It was nice meeting you because…” or “I enjoyed catching up because…” work beautifully, too.

Not every goodbye has to be a dramatic declaration of love. But every goodbye is a chance to slow down with how much we rely on one another.

This Valentine’s Day and beyond, let’s help others feel how much they mean to us before the walk sign turns on, before, if you’ll allow me, the funeral.

Say "I love you because" before you think you need to.

Why Relationships Matter

Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?

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To read more of Alex's writing, you can subscribe to his Substack, Slow Mindfulness.

1. https://samfound.org/suicide-info/facts-stats

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