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BOB WAKEHAM: Taking a break from Trump, Epstein and other bad news

Snow-clearing isn't so bad when it gives you a break from the bad news from the U.S. blaring on your TV set

So, like thousands of my fellow residents of Northeastern Newfoundland, I was out in the driveway the other day during this blizzard-dominated February, smothered and sweating in several layers of clothes that made me resemble the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and forcing my 75-year-old muscles to ignore their age and once again prove that the creator of the snowblower should receive the Nobel Prize for his cardiac-care invention.

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At some point, my system cried out for hydration — that fancy synonym for a gigantic glass of water — and within minutes, I was inside the house where the steady hum of the snowblower was replaced by the sounds of Wolf Blitzer and company breathlessly telling the world that the American mad-man, Trump the Terrible, had unleashed his country’s powerful military arsenal on Iran.

My wife Heather, who — like most normal-thinking souls — has developed a massive dislike of the spreader of terror, Dangerous Donald, was even more vociferous than usual with her profanity-laden condemnation of the American president and his latest insane moves on the world stage.

As for me, I listened politely, nodded in agreement with her every utterance, practically inhaled my 12 ounces of fresh, tasty well water, and desperately stumbled over the mounds of snow in front of the house and made my way gratefully and joyously to my snow blower, started her up, and continued my driveway-clearing operation, temporarily separated from the depressing journalistic newscasts.

And, d’ya know something? I was as happy as a pig in you-know-what.

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Taking a break from the bad news

My environment was devoid for the time being of the sights and sounds of that chaos blaring from the television set — scary circumstances, for sure — but way outside my sphere of influence, and supplanted by concentration on the job at hand, an operation I could handle, and a simplistic but useful method of detachment from the rest of the world.

I hear people in this frozen land of ours complaining incessantly about the record snow fall, and I usually concur with a curse or two uttered for effect, but what I haven’t shared, at least until now, is that I’m half happy — call me a masochist if you like — that the blizzards have been a delightful distraction from all the shit occurring beyond our boundaries.

And it’s not just the snow blowing, or shoveling or even cleaning up the poop left by our dog Mister that has allowed me to selfishly disentangle myself (at least as much as is humanly possible) from bothersome worldwide issues. (Mister, by the way, refuses to move beyond the deck to do his business during this 2026 version of Stormageddon; the other night, he dropped his load right in front of the main door, then scooted back inside).

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There has been, for example, the scattered night when the latest storm practically shook the house while Mister curled sleepily in front of a fire roaring in the wood stove, Heather peacefully knitted, and I slumped in a comfortable chair as we watched great movies (“Sinners”, “Marty Supreme”, “One Battle After Another”, “Train Dreams”, etc.) and became addicted to still another entertaining series (“The Pit” being the latest).

Or we watched the Olympics; even with the disappointing hockey results, the Games themselves were tremendous, making NHL regular season competition, by comparison, rather mediocre, for the most part.

And, again, those nights were, at least for me, much more enjoyable than listening to the latest news about who was in sickening sexual cahoots with the warped Jeffrey Epstein, a poor excuse for a human being who had Satanic blood flowing through his veins during his entire deviant lifetime.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not apathetic to the terrible damage inflicted by that pervert and his Madame on innocent young girls, nor am I unaware of all the other trauma and general crap taking place in the world. (If there’s a god, as many naively believe, he or she must be one sick, perverted s.o.b.)

But I confess, if that’s the right word, to allowing other ways, even the most innocuous of ways, to locate the welcome sign hanging among my elderly neurons.

And such a modus operandi will continue as long as I’m on this side of the sod.

Come spring, no matter what Trump is up to, no matter what kind of nightmares he continues to foster, no matter what names are found on the Epstein register, I’ll be in Bay d’Espoir with three of my buddies for our annual slaughter of mud trout, and engaging in every form of twisted, politically incorrect humour, and juvenile antics (a loud fart, for instance, always generates uproarious laughs, none of us ashamed of our Grade four reaction).

As well, Heather and I hope to return to a couple of ponds in Conception Bay North this summer in pursuit of a few trout, and the pleasure of a boil-up of wieners and beans and a cup of tea.

Heading down a smooth body of water in our battered and scarred aluminum boat at sunset after a wonderful day of troutin’ and laughs sure beats the shit out of trying to make sense of world woes.

And there’s also the time alone in the middle of the woods, taking the chainsaw to trees that will eventually make their way into the stove, a delightful diversion from universal events.

Even a few hours on the riding lawn mower every week — an uncomplicated endeavour, for sure — will provide a brief but simple retreat from depressing news on CNN.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is too short to let the likes of Trump and Epstein and countless others take up an inordinate amount of space in this head of mine.

As for now, I have to head outdoors and break up some ice in the driveway that somehow managed to steer clear of the snow blower’s blades.

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