Elon Musk has just declared that there will be 1 million humans living on Mars by 2045.

Perfect timing, you will agree — because by then Trump would have digested Greenland, Panama, the Gaza Riviera, maybe even Canada, and would (like Alexander the Great) be shedding tears because there would then be no new real estate left for him to conquer on Earth.

The resort on Mars would be called — what else? — Mars-a-Lago.

One is not aware whether the Martians have been consulted on the little matter of forcible occupation of their planet, or whether they would be deported to Saturn — but we shall doubtless get to know shortly, the very next time Pete Eggshead, the defence secretary, leaks their classified chats on Telegram.

But this interstellar land grab raises other important questions.

It has been rumoured that DOGE (aka DOUCHE) had considered setting up a Guantanamo Bay type of facility there for deporting illegal migrants.

But someone pointed out that with 2.29 million potential Indian deportees, Mars could soon become a Khalistan or a Hindu Rashtra, and so the idea was dropped.

Instead, since Hamas refuses to play ball or catch-the-grenade in

© National Herald