If a teenager seems to be struggling but won't open up to you, what can you do?

If you suspect your child might be struggling mentally, but they haven’t explicitly said so, it can be difficult to know what to do or say to help them.

Such was the predicament one parent faced recently when a friend of their teenage son’s mentioned in passing, after a sleepover, that their son “seemed kinda depressed”.

The parent revealed on Reddit: “I tried to ask some questions but he said he really had to go and left. I went and checked on my son, he seemed fine that moment. I asked him how the weekend went. He said ‘fine’. His favourite word.

“He asked if he could go watch fireworks next weekend with his friend. I said sure. Then I left.”

The parent was confused about how to proceed. “I don’t want to betray his friend’s trust and I don’t want to scare my son away by making too big a deal of this, but at the same time if his friend felt it was bad enough to tell me it must be pretty bad right?” they explained.

“But if I play it too casually and ask him how he’s doing a few times I know I’m just going to get the ‘I’m fine’ answer and get nowhere ... Honestly have no clue what to do here.”

What should parents in this situation do?

Experts suggest that parents in this position need to focus on connection over conversation.

BACP-accredited member and psychotherapist Debbie Keenan told HuffPost UK: “When a teen seems withdrawn or says they’re ‘fine’, even when others express concern, it can feel like a dead end. But this is where unconditional love, presence, patience, and reframing questions become essential.”

Keenan advises not to jump directly in with probing questions, especially around sensitive topics like mental health. Instead, create a space that feels emotionally safe and low-pressured.

How do I do that?

1. Spend time together without an agenda

Doing something side-by-side, whether that’s cooking, walking the dog or gaming, “can remove the intensity of eye contact and make teens feel more at ease”, said Keenan.

2. Choose your words wisely

Rather........

© HuffPost