I sometimes think that much of what I look for in a relationship ― and how I show up for my partners ― is shaped by my experience as an eldest daughter.

Like many oldest daughters, I grew up carrying a lot of responsibility, and I’m still learning how to put some of it down. In my own relationships, I want my partner to take the initiative and plan things. For instance, if we’re going on vacation, I’ll go in with that attitude, but inevitably I’ll cave to my eldest daughter instincts and take the lead (especially if he’s lagging).

I want to share my inner world and any problems I’m dealing with, but again, I can probably handle it myself. No need to get into all that.

In other words, eldest daughter syndrome and my need for self-sufficiency annoyingly creep into my relationships.

It’s not all bad, of course: Older daughters tend to be loyal, so loyalty’s built into the relationship. I’ll cheerlead my partners through just about anything, since I’m used to being there for my family. It pays off in little ways, too: Did the waiter forget your side of ranch? I’ll flag him down. Advocating for you ― and your dipping sauce of choice ― matters!

Clearly, there are advantages and disadvantages to dating as an older daughter, or to dating one, said Kati Morton, a therapist who works with a lot of eldest daughters and the author of “Why Do I Keep Doing This?: Unlearn the Habits Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy.”

“The pros are reliability, empathy, and commitment; the cons are burnout, resentment, and losing touch with their own needs,” she said.

How do we deal with some of those cons? Below, Morton and couples therapists share some of the most common issues among eldest daughters, and a little advice for handling each.

1. They take on the “emotional manager” role in their relationship.

In therapy sessions, Morton likes to say that eldest daughters don’t always fall in love; they sometimes take care of love.

“Many eldest daughters grow up being the built-in helper, soothing parents,........

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