When they take the side of the narcissist, a flying monkey "may genuinely think they are advocating for the good,” said Lauren Maher, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Mindfulness Workbook for Panic Attacks.”

Narcissists have an uncanny ability to get through to you, even when you’ve made an effort to create some distance between you and them.

To sidestep any communication boundaries you’ve set, they’ll often employ a third party ― a friend you have in common, your sibling or other parent if it’s your mom or dad that you’re dealing with, or a fellow coworker if your narc is in the workplace.

Online ― in subreddits and Facebook groups where people detail their experiences with narcissists and emotional abusers ― this third party is sometimes called “a flying monkey” or the narcissist’s “wingman.” If you’re not one for pithy pop psychology terms, you could just call them an enabler.

The flying monkey moniker is, of course, an allusion to the “Wizard of Oz,” in which the wily Wicked Witch of the West enlists flying monkeys to do her dirty work: capturing Dorothy and her companions, terrorising the land of the Winkies. (We won’t classify the witch as a narcissist; who’s to say if the DSM-5 psychiatric manual even exists in Oz?)

A narcissist similarly uses their flying monkey to harass you emotionally, guilt trip you or plead their case, said Lauren Maher, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Mindfulness Workbook for Panic Attacks.”

“Consciously or unconsciously, the flying monkey upholds and advocates for the narcissist’s reality,” Maher told HuffPost. “They might covertly gather information, spread rumours, gaslight, bully, or minimise the reality of the person who is being abused by the narcissist. ”

In Maher’s practice, she’s seen two types of people who are chosen as flying monkeys. The first consists of conflict-avoidant people-pleasers whose sympathies are easily manipulated by the narcissist.

“When they take the side of the narcissist, they may genuinely think they are advocating for the good,” she said. “A common example seen in families is when a narcissistic parent portrays themselves as an eternal victim, but who in reality is quite emotionally abusive to one sibling behind closed doors.”

When the emotionally abused sibling ― who’s often the “scapegoat” of the family ― finally sets boundaries with this parent, they may experience pushback from another sibling who tells them they are being selfish, uncaring, or “tearing the family apart,” Maher said.

American actress Margaret Hamilton stars as the Wicked Witch of the West in the MGM film "The Wizard of Oz", 1939. Here she commands her flock of flying monkeys.

The second type of flying monkey is a little less well-meaning ― more of a willing ally of the narcissist.

“I’m thinking of more cutthroat........

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