No one likes being ghosted. But what if you’re not actually being ghosted? What if the other person is genuinely just…busy? But someone being busy and feeling ghosted can often feel like the same thing when dating in a culture that expects instant responses.

As Monica Berg, relationship expert and author of “Rethink Love,” explains: “For many of us, especially those with anxious attachment patterns that were formed in early childhood, a pause in connection can feel like abandonment — not because it’s the reality of the situation, but because it reminds us of old feelings and stories.”

When we’re in the early stages of love, we’re flooded with cortisol, dopamine and all the chemical chaos that makes infatuation feel urgent and obsessive (the feeling of “butterflies,” for example). Layer in those unresolved attachment stories from childhood, and suddenly we’re reliving them in real time.

Waiting by the phone never gets any easier. But you can reframe these moments to make them less anxiety inducing.

“If we believe we’re ‘not enough’ or that ‘everyone abandons me,’ then even a delayed text can feel like confirmation of those beliefs,” Berg said.

How Instant Text Gratification Messes With Your Head

While dating apps can often feel like “The Hunger Games,” and no one wants to waste time or emotional investment on a swipe, this obsession with immediate responses from someone who is essentially a stranger can create unrealistic expectations for many single people. It dismisses the reality that the other person may have their own schedule, priorities or boundaries, none of which are necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you.

Still, the absence of a ping on your phone can trigger a defensive response: “He can’t be that busy. He must not be into me,” or “I don’t want someone too busy to text me.”

“The constant accessibility of modern communication — texts, DMs, voice notes, read receipts — creates the illusion that we should always be available,” Berg said.........

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