Every father recognises the moment when exhaustion and stress collide with the harsh realities of parenting.

We were tired after the 15-hour flight from Melbourne to Los Angeles, and our accommodation wasn’t ready when we landed at 7am. To kill time, I took my 12-year-old twin sons to the LA Farmers Market and splurged on “waffleshots,” hot chocolate served in chocolate-coated cake cones.

Charlie grabbed his eagerly, took one sip, then dropped the entire thing all over himself. I snapped. He started crying, and I instantly felt sick with myself. He was just as tired as I was, and I had completely overreacted.

That moment left me shaken. I wasn’t angry about the drink. I was overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed, and those feelings spilled over.

This pattern of overwhelm leading to anger is something therapist Bonnie Scott recognises immediately in fathers.

Dads can get triggered too – but all adults need to learn to feel their feelings

“I think triggers for dads are the basic triggers for most folks, like feeling disrespected, ignored, taken for granted, or dismissed,” Scott said.

The difference for fathers is that these common frustrations get amplified by societal expectations.

“I do think there’s some extra sting in those experiences if they happen between dads and kids because there are stereotypes and assumptions about what it means to be a dad.”

Like many fathers learning to manage their reactions, Justin Gurland, a licensed master social worker and founder of The Maze, knows this trigger intimately. “My biggest trigger as a dad is feeling like I’m not being listened to or respected, especially during those full-blown temper tantrum moments with my son. When emotions are running high, and I’m trying to calmly explain something while he’s melting down, it can be really hard not to take it personally.”

He’s learned to approach those moments with one simple tool: the pause.

“One of the most valuable tools I’ve learned is to pause when agitated. That moment gives me a chance to reset and respond instead of react,” he said.

When facing his biggest trigger, he applies a crucial reframe: “In those moments, I have to remind myself: He’s 4. His brain is still developing, and his........

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