I’m not a violent man. In fact, I consider myself a pacifist. However, these days, if someone says the words ‘I’m starting my own podcast’ to me, all peace and decency goes out the window and I feel the overwhelming urge to get in a tank and drive over the top of them.

Not a solitary day goes past anymore without some donkey launching their own online talkshow. Once, everyone thought they had a book in them, now it’s a podcast.

It’s not simply the sheer preening audacity of believing the planet awaits your wisdom which offends - though that does grate. It’s mostly that podcasts are so bloody awful. We don’t need another one. The internet is full. There’s nothing left to say.

There are 3.5million podcasts on Earth right now. That’s like the entire population of Uruguay - including new born babies - producing their own podcast.

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Podcasts make me stabby because I love radio. I’ve worked in radio, I’ve hosted loads of hours of talk radio for the BBC. When radio is good, it’s great.

Podcasts take everything which makes radio good, put it in a headlock and run with it into a brick wall, repeatedly, until it’s dead.

The principle problem is the rank amateurishness. Search for podcasts on any given topic - sport, history, politics, culture - and nine times out of 10 it’ll be some lonesome gimp in their egg-boxed attic droning into a mic. It’ll sound more like a serial killer tape sent to the police than a functioning piece of radio.

I’m into topics like mythology, ancient history and anthropology. So let’s say I go hunting for something like the history of Babylon, or the lives of Neanderthals. Up will pop a podcast so unlistenable, so lacking in production values, with a script so shonky, that it offends against reason.

What’s worse is the podcasts which could be good but deliberately cock it up. There’s a........

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