It’s funny how they always use the language of war. “Living in fear”. “Attack”. “Bombardment”. They also say that we should get them before they get us. It’s probably why, of all the species on this planet, human beings are by far my least favourite.

What the human beings in this case are talking about isn’t warplanes or bombs, it’s birds, specifically seagulls, specifically seagulls in Aberdeenshire, in the town of Elgin. Councillors there say the seagulls have become a menace, a nuisance and are out of control and the only answer is to kill them. Perhaps one of the councillors’ cars got splatted by one of the gulls, boo-hoo, or perhaps a stray chip was dropped on it, who knows. But they’re angry.

One of the councillors says the problem is that people are “living in fear of attack” of the gulls but evidence of actual attacks is hard to find. There have been stories from Eyemouth in the Borders about children being hit by seagulls and being left with gashes to their head, but the details are not clear. Ornithophobic humans are also prone to exaggeration. I still remember the man from Dover who said a seagull swooped down with its “claws” and tried to steal his dog from the ground.

So what I’m saying is we should treat stories about gull attacks with considerable caution and........

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